rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
