considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
