I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
