I bet he comes in French.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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