not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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