I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
