Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
