my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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