Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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