what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
