Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
