But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
