I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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