We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
