Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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