Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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