In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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