had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
