We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize