I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
