I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
