I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
