I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
