Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
