Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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