The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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