I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
