So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
