Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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