Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize
