im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
