Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
