You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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