The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
