Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
