So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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