finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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