anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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