Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
