I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
