I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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