so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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