If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize