I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
