Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
