The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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