i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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