Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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