Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
