just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
True college students do jello shots in the library
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