The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize