your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
