The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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