I think i peed on brittanys purse
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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