I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
