He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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