I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Randomize
