Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
