I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
