My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
