just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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