why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
