So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
