I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
