my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
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