I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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