Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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