How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
