Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Two words: nipple clamps
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