Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize