he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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