does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
