My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
