And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
