Porn is love you can see.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
