U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Are we still banned from the library?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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