why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
