maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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