THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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